Entries from October 2006 ↓

What if each Sunday, your Bible was interviewed about the previous week? What would it tell about you, its owner? Would it reveal a thriving study of the truth found within its pages? Or would it provide graphic details of neglect and rejection? What kind of story would your Bible tell about you?

I can only imagine that too many of us would hear embarassing reports of our lack of Bible intake. We would most likely hear about times when we pulled it out to read it, but got distracted doing other things. Or we didn’t have very much time, so rather than study anything, we quickly read a Psalm. Or some Bibles may reveal that its owner had not picked it up in months, except for Sundays. The report could either being very shocking or very encouraging.

Allow this twist on an age-old question to sink in and to change how often you read the living and abiding Word of God.

If your Bible was interviewed, what would it say about the time you spent reading its pages?

My good friend and fellow high-school graduate, Tyler Leach, years ago, wrote a story on my palm pilot and only recently did I find in my archives. I share it with you now to increase your enjoyment, but I warn you that this tale does not come without its share of oddities, but I trust it will make you laugh several times.

The Quest

Once upon a time there was a kingdom named “Joetown”. Joetown was ruled by King John LVII. John was new to the job of kingdomship and depended totally upon his advisors. His advisors advised him (hence the term “advisors” {and you thought they all just wore visors! HA!!!} to attack the adjacent kingdom *!@#&!, whose name was so profane it was loath to be mentioned (and anyone that did was beaten senseless, silly, and witless with a large slap of beef), mostly because it was ruled by king !@*#!, whose name was UNTHINKABLE to mention (the penalty for this was to eat the large slab of beef which had been used since the last utterer of king !*#!@’s name was punished).

So John called all the country to arms. He rewarded all comers with a piece of land from the soon-to-be-conquered kingdom@#$!!@. All-together there were 1000 men and a goat. The whole company set out on a bright Saturday morning: the sun just barely peaking over roiling black rain clouds, shining through the torrential downpour and revealing the muddy, dilapidated landscape. The disgruntled warriors grumbled about the intrusion upon their rest and subsequent wake up call at the crack of noon, but deep inside they felt confident and excited about the adventurous journey to come, over hill and dale, through flash-flood and bog. But before these joyous and most anticipated tasks they had to pass through the Swamp-bog of death and insanity!!

The body count was high especially due to the rabid muskrats, bunnies, mosquitoes, moles, and capering carnies. When they left the swamp only the king and two men remained, Lem and Shep, and oh yes, and the goat who was now known as “wild eyes the white-bearded”. But not all the losses were due to the terrifying, nay, death inspiring inhabitants of the swamp. It was, as a majority, due to the prior stop-over at Louis’ Bar and Grill and consequential loss of consciousness (and soberness) of most of the men. After a short wait the bar men made it through the swamp and gauntlet of deathly wildlife mostly because of the effect their drunken singing and raucous laughter had upon the downtrodden inhabitants of the swamp. Soon even the rabbits, muskrats, mosquitoes, and the carnies were seen to be capering about merrily and drunkenly as a result of the generosity of the men with their drink. Soon the armies strength was doubled by the conscription of the terribly fierce, yet drunken, animals.

With renewed moral the great war-host set out to *!@#!-land! After convincing the drunken party that another assault on Louis’ Bar and Grill was not necessary they all slept off their hangovers for a day, while Lem, Shep, King Jon-Jon, and “wild-eyes” moped about and complained about the long wait in their frenzied bloodlust. The next day dawned brightly and, after rousing the men; Lem and Shep, “wild eyes”, and the king set out in the lead. This is where the flashflood mentioned earlier deterred them.

After the “incident” (which is so horrendous as to be unspeakable) the party reverted to a shocked silence only broken by the screams of “Jenkens”, the announcement of the recovery of Wilson’s rabid brush-weasel, and the extraction of Jenken’s pants from its foaming jaws. Unfortunately, Johnon’s pet squirrel, “Buckey”, was not discovered and would probably be found somewhere downstream by some unlucky peasant. As soon as Jenkens was able to be moved (that is did not pass out from mind-numbing pain or claw the nearest available person’s eyes out) the company set off to the steady rhythm of Jenken’s cries, every time his horse took a step. Within the weeks to come, the loss of Jenken’s voice was the only good news, as they traveled through the caverns of the devil chickens, but spirits lifted as they came to the land of the animated piñatas. The sugar count was high and the company dentist was in great demand.

After everyone had a good frolic (everyone but the King of course [it wasn't dignified!]), the company wistfully set off from that land of milk and honey and continued their quest through %#&@land. For the following week the company moved through the Forest of Depravity while “wild eyes” scouted ahead. The men were ill at ease because, c’mon, who wouldn’t be in a place with a name like “the forest of depravity.” You don’t just go on a morning stroll through a place named “The Forest of Depravity,” you don’t just take a midnight jaunt through a place slandered by the word “depravity”. You would have to be insane! (But on a totally unrelated note, “wild-eyes” felt right at home.) Soon the company came to the very center of the forest from which all the depravity of “The Forest of Depravity” emanated. It was a place of silence of shrouds and wraiths lurking just outside of peripheral vision. A PLACE OF BOVINE! Yes, you read correctly, this is the meeting place of “The Brotherhood of the Sinister Bovine.” But lucky for the company, they were on their annual trip to hell. You may breathe now. Yet, as they crossed the shaded clearing where no sun had touched for centuries, they felt malicious eyes on their backs. After berating Ted “the disgruntled serf”, who was taking up the rear of the company, for being so maliciously disgruntled, the company continued their march. But still they felt a malevolent presence and the men were on the verge of panic, when the came upon IT. Suddenly all light ceased to enter the clearing. “WHAT TH-” “Hello, I am called Weasel the capering ferret you have intruded upon the secret sanction of the sinister bovine, surrender now or I shall be forced to-” “GAAAAAAH!!!” The company dispersed like snot from the sneeze of an elephant. “- accommodate you. Oh Darn, not again, everyone’s a comedian. I should have never left the order of the odious weasels, for Pete’s sake, even they could not tell the difference between a weasel and a ferret.” Well, at least not until Hulio the Squealer returned and declared to the rest of the company the true identity of the capering carnie.

. . . to be continued . . .*

*by Tyler whenever he is reminded of this tale and has time to finish it.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4638782390674253735

This video displays a good portrayl of the distortion of beauty in our society. I am reminded of Proverbs 31:30 which says, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” For all of you young men, let this be a reminder that satisfaction doesn’t come from dating a sexy billboard model, but the fear of God is all that matters.

Many of us know the story of the feeding of the 5,000. This story is in all of the Gospels, which is rare because of the whole book of John, 93% of it is unique to that book and not found anywhere else in the New Testament. So the miracle of feeding five thousand falls into the 7% of the book that is found elsewhere.

So Jesus and his disciples go to the east side of the Sea of Galilee and upon arriving, Jesus looks and sees the people and is concerned not only for their spiritual state, but also their physical condition. Philip tells Him that boy has five barley cakes and two fish. Jesus takes them them thanks the Father and then distributed them among the people. There was so much that everyone was satisfied. And then Jesus said John 6:12, “Gather up the leftover fragments, that nothing may be lost.” F.F. Bruce, a New Testament scholar, wrote in his book entitled The Gospel of John the following commentary from this verse:

When the Lord supplies His people’s needs, there is abundance but no waste. His directions to the disciples convey an important practical lesson. To waste food which we do not need, when many live at starvation level, is an insult to the Divine Giver. (pg. 145)

Oh what a simple lesson and yet often we fail to follow our Lord’s example. I often take more food than I can eat and end up throwing some of it away, but I must be a good steward of the food that is given me, just as in everything else. I guess I never thought about trashing food as an insult to God. Jesus still did not waste even though the leftovers were divinely made. It wasn’t like He was trying to save out of lacking, but out of abundance. How much more should we conserve and not waste the food that God has graciously given us.

This semester, I am taking a class entitled Missionary Life and Experience, which is taught by the great John Glass. For that class we had to read France, Forgotten Mission Field. The book gave the political and spiritual history of the country. The chapter on the history of true believers through the ages was by far my favorite. In my reading, I came across and interesting discussion on John Calvin and how he dealt with the theology that he saw in the Scriptures. Of Calvin the author said

His close acquaintance with the Word of God in the original languages lay behind the systematic presentation of doctrine in the Institutes. Avoiding speculation, which he detested, he sought simply to express the teaching of the Bible with in its successive aspects. Where it was difficult to reconcile certain doctrines, he did not attempt to do so, recognizing the limits of even the regenerate human mind. Thus, while he evidently believed both in the sovereignty of God and the responsibility of man, he did not engage in profitless philosophy for the sake of trying to harmonize the two concepts. It is quite wrong to represent Calvin as hammering out doctrine on the anvil of a mercilessly logical intellect.

I found this very interesting because of how particular people are about certain doctrines and try to shove Scripture into their theology rather than allowing the Bible to form their doctrine. The more I wrestle with the text, the more I think that there are some doctrines which we can’t draw hard sharp line on, but rather have accept what Scripture says. What is the point of arguing about something that God doesn’t draw a line on. Most of it comes down to the fact that we are finite and is infinite.