Marriage Advice

Most of you are probably wondering what in the world I could come up with that would count as marriage advice. I am wondering the same thing. But I actually am not spreading anything original, mainly because I’m not married yet.

Today in chapel, one of the Bible profs interviewed three couples (38yrs, 21yrs, and 10yrs married) on different aspects of marriage and I thought I would share some of the tidbits that I jotted down. Some of them are phrases or quotes from them directly and some may be summary points.

####How do you work through conflict and how does it strengthen your relationship?
* Examine your own heart first
* What is the issue my spouse is presenting? Try to understand.
* What do I think, she think, and God think about this issue
* God gave a wife to the man so he can learn from her
* Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. We added this as a vow and have fulfilled during our 38 years of marriage. We don’t go to bed without resolving something.
* Requires Humility! Ask yourself - What did I do? How did I wrong you?
* Seek to Understand before being Understood
* Conflict forces us to come to resolution, which brings us closer to each other and to Christ
* Work hard at listening and repeat things back to your spouse to make sure you understand
* The thing about marriage that you have to understand is: It’s not about you, and it never will be
* Learn what it means to live like Philippians 2, like Christ

####What are some blessings and joys of married life?
* Be in the Word together
* When sin reigns, the blessings are few
* Living life with your best friend is the best thing
* Marriage is about sanctification, and children make it more intensely so
* Marriage displays the gospel
* Good friendships take work
* Life is found in losing it - Luke 14

####What do you have to say against the concern that marriage is giving up your independence?
* It is much better to be a dependent married woman than a single independent woman; believe me, I’ve been there.
* The joys of marriage far surpass those in independence
* God gives us the grace to be godly people in marriage

####What do you do to protect your relationship?
* Cultivate your individual relationships with Christ
* Invest in each other; Don’t take your wife for granted just because you know she’ll be there for you
* If it’s important, you’ll find the way. So if your spouse is important, then you will make sacrifices.
* Knowing is half the battle; know your spouse.
* Practical suggestions:
* Have a date night
* Be accountable to other men (have you worked on your relationship this week?)
* Have undivided attention as a couple after work
* Be proactive in guarding your mind
* This person is important, take the time

####How do you lead your wife and what can a single guy do in a relationship he is in now to practice that?
* Bring her to the word of God, in devotions and conversation
* Pray for her. I notice a big difference when I pray for from when I don’t.
* Stay away from domineering leadership, instead you must serve her.
* Memorize Philippians 2:3-5
* Be a servant now. Serve those around you now. Practice servant leadership.
* Share with her what you learned in the Word

Although some of these are suggestions, but most of them are based on Scriptural principles and experience. For the single people out there (like myself), this aren’t things to apply right away, but to think about and to build a biblical view of relationships.